You work out of a Hotel?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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