I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
