Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
