Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
