I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
