Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I need a beard to bite.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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