DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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