Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
