So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
