I just pynch a tree in the face
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
