So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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