having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
