so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
