A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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