I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
