I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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