i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
