PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
