pedialite and red bull = repair kit
stop calling my apartment porn island.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
