She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
