My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
