What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
