i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
A bitchslap is in order.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
