Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
