I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
