I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
