So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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