I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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