im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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