Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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