White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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