Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
