Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
