Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
