kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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