More tranny stories later!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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