Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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