Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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