Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
bring money and cleavage
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
