It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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