omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
