I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
