I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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