Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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