i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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