u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
