just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
