Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
