just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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