Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
