I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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