Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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