Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
