i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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