grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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