I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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