The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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