Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
